His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
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I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI