he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.