My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
