I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant