I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
