I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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