So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
