Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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