note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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