it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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