Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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