my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
