Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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