a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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