He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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