he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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