happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
