walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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