people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
