i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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