I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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