hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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