That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
