The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
