I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
