I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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