i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
