I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
