you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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