If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
