ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
