opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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