I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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