I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
