matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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