Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
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