When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
