Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize