I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
