some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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