I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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