Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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