I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's like heaven, but drunker
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
