perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
