so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
