i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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