Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
