i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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