do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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