it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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