Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
