so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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