Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
