What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
