I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
