First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
