I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
