just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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