Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Girls should come with a carfax report
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
