respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
