Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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