My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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