it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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