you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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