He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
