I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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