She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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