her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
