I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
