So drunk its hurt
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dicks are not precious.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
