Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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