I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
