my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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