Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
