My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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