You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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