I will die if light touches me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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